This blog is going to require some self-reflection about the nonverbal cues I project and some admission of things I’m sure I won’t be too proud of! First of all, I feel stressed and anxious most of the time about never being able to get everything done so I know that I project that to others. When I’m in the middle of working on a project and someone comes into my office, I’m guilty of continuing to type or fidgeting which sends the message that I’m not too interested in what they have to say and I want to get back to work. The problem with this is that if it’s one of my employees coming to me with a problem, I’m supposed to be available for them. I’m working on stopping what I’m doing, turning away from my computer and focusing on the individual. We all want to feel that we are being listened to and what we have to say is important. I continue to struggle with this issue if the person is too long winded!
When I asked my husband about what kind of nonverbal cues I project, he told me it’s when I get quiet when something is bothering me. If I’m upset or mad, I hold it in until I’m ready to talk about. If he asks me what’s wrong and I say “nothing” and continue to be quiet, then he knows something is wrong for sure. He also said he can just tell when I want to be left alone but I’m sure a lot of that just comes from being able to read the other person after so many years of marriage.
My kids always told me it was the “look” that gave them a nonverbal cue! Apparently when I was disappointed in them, it was written all over my face and I didn’t have to say a word. I’m not very good about hiding how I feel about something in my facial expressions.
I usually walk very briskly. This is another cue I’m giving others that I’m too busy to stop and talk. Subconsciously I’m probably thinking that if I send all the messages about how busy I really am then maybe my boss will quit piling more work on me without me having to say anything.
I’m not all bad though! I can be a very affectionate person and I “do” a lot of things for my family to express my love for them. I find myself always wanting to fix or take care of things which is an expression of my motherly instincts. I am a friendly person most of the time and try to make the effort to smile at others. It is important to me that other people like me so I believe I give the nonverbal cues of friendliness (just as long as they don’t talk too long)!
I am a fairly casual dresser in the workplace and I think that is a nonverbal cue that I am a down to earth person. I also like to wear my sweats and t-shirts on the weekend because I enjoy being comfortable.
Overall, I think my nonverbal cues are that of a friendly person but with some boundaries up so that others don’t take up too much of my time.
Man oh man do I know about those nonverbal messages that we all send as parents. It is so hard to keep our feelings inside sometimes that those closest to us like our children pick up on every tiny que we portray on our faces or bodily movement. The “look” being the prime example that all children learn to pick up on, because they know that when this look is present that they have crossed a boundary they shouldn’t have ever pushed.
ReplyDeleteI find it hard to hide some things from my children. If I am angry, my children know it, even if my anger is not directed at them, they still pick up on the energy I put out. If I am tired, they know. Sad mad or glad, my children understand exactly what mood I am in. This isn’t always true though. Sometimes my children think I am angry, even though I am honestly not. Sometimes this can lead to miscommunications between us, but thank goodness it’s family and we can all move passed it.
These same misunderstandings in public are the ones that are most frustrating and annoying. Someone gets angry because of something I said jokingly. They think I am serious because I am keeping a face on that says I am, so therefore they take what I said personally. All because of a simple misunderstanding that could have easily been avoided if that person was present for the whole conversation, and didn’t jump to conclusions. I will conclude this response by saying that no matter what outward nonverbal signals seem to be given off by a person, don’t jump to a hasty conclusion based on your observation, and try to get to know the person, that way you will know if your interpretation of their signal was the correct one.
I can certainly understand having to juggle a heavy workload and giving the proper attention to your employees when they need it. Sometimes it really does take a deliberate effort to send the right non-verbal message. I know my boss is very busy also so when I pick up on body language that communicates he’s too busy to talk to me I try to leave him alone if what I have to say is not important. If there is an issue that does require his attention I will break through the busy barrier though. I think he knows this and gives me his attention when I interrupt him. Not only is it courteous on his part, but smart too. We have enough of a work history for him to understand that if I’m bringing something to him he needs to pay attention. He typically stops what he’s doing at his desk, turns to face me, and makes eye contact to show he’s listening. To be courteous I get right to the point giving him information I know he needs. I won’t interrupt him for personal issues, or just friendly chat when his body language says he’s busy.
ReplyDeleteThe one busy gesture I find very rude is when someone looks at their watch while I’m speaking to them. I know the non-verbal message is meant to be, “I’m busy, and under time pressure,” but the gesture can also be interpreted to mean, “What you have to say is not important.” I, in turn, feel pressured and have a more difficult time communicating.
I think you’re on to something in giving your attention to your employees when they have something to say. By broadcasting your busy status to them while they’re speaking you may just be causing it to take longer for them to say it. By not being accessible I think supervisors also run the risk of employees going around them, or sometimes handling a situation they’re not really trained for.