"just don't get it"

As Lakoff points out in his essay Hate Speech, some people who are ignorant about hate speech may think it is “just kidding” or “childish horseplay” when it is really a “proclamation of inferiority” as the author states.  If a person has been subjected to particular comments throughout their life and even their relatives before them, when they hear these comments it is very personal for them.  If you don’t have a history of having to deal with this type of speech then you “just don’t get it” when it comes to how destructive it can be over time. 

When someone hears something often enough, they know that there is a true belief behind those words and it’s not “just kidding”.  When you think back to when you were a child, you can start to understand how powerful words can be.  If you had parents that praised you or constantly put you down, it affected your self-esteem.  Children can be so cruel to other kids when they make fun of others for being too fat, too skinny, wearing glasses, wearing braces, having acne, and the list goes on and on.  Those comments can crush a child and make them want to crawl under a rock and hide.  The example of the “Sticks and Stones” saying is used and as much as we try to teach our kids not to let the cruel words of others affect them, this is next to impossible.  So just imagine if cruel, unfair comments are made about you or made about your family or race or gender, etc. for years then you don’t take it lightly. 

As long as the hate speech persists, it is hard to really break away from certain stigmas.  Others may adopt the same viewpoint when they hear it so the vicious cycle continues.    

Thumbs up for Reading Lolita in Tehran

I have to admit that when I first started reading Reading Lolita in Tehran, I didn’t think I was going to enjoy it very much.  I haven’t quite finished the book and I wouldn’t use enjoy as the adjective to describe this reading experience.  I have found the book to be a thought provoking one though. 

Books or articles about life in some other countries cause me to stop and think about all of the freedom and liberties I take for granted.  To be able to read what I want to read, listen to music I want to listen to, watching the shows I want to watch, or dressing how I want to dress are some of the daily things we all do that we don’t even stop to think about.  The opportunity to be able to participate in our Discussion Boards and post Blogs isn’t something you can do in some countries.

One of the stories that stuck with me from RLiT was when Nafisi’s daughter recounts the story of a classmate who was taken away to the principal’s office because her nails were too long and they cut them so short she was bleeding.  Who treats a child like that???

I work with a lady from Tehran and we were discussing this book today.  She shared some of her stories with me.  She left the country about the time the Ayatollah was coming into power so she didn’t have to endure much of the revolution but many in her family did and still live there.  She said her brother got in trouble a lot with the authorities for taking a stand.  One day a lady was thought to be wearing make-up so a bag of rats were poured on her head and started biting her.  Her brother and others came to her rescue but I can’t even imagine this kind of treatment.  My co-worker took her American daughter back to Iran to visit when she was 6-years old.  She told me that a man came up and started yelling at her daughter because she was not covered which isn’t even a requirement until the girls are 12 according to my co-worker.  My co-worker told the man to leave her daughter alone and he pushed her so she pushed him back.  It was getting very heated and fortunately she had enough family and friends around that they were able to get away before anyone got hurt.  She made a vow then and there never to take her daughter back to Iran again.  That is unfortunate that her daughter won’t be able to experience her mother’s native land and visit family that is still there because of cultural differences.

As we were finishing our conversation this morning, she looked at me and said “We all need to be glad we are here in the United States.”  This was a huge reminder to me that I need to stop and take the time to give thanks for all of the blessings we have in this great country of ours.

Nonverbal Cues

This blog is going to require some self-reflection about the nonverbal cues I project and some admission of things I’m sure I won’t be too proud of!  First of all, I feel stressed and anxious most of the time about never being able to get everything done so I know that I project that to others.  When I’m in the middle of working on a project and someone comes into my office, I’m guilty of continuing to type or fidgeting which sends the message that I’m not too interested in what they have to say and I want to get back to work. The problem with this is that if it’s one of my employees coming to me with a problem, I’m supposed to be available for them.  I’m working on stopping what I’m doing, turning away from my computer and focusing on the individual.  We all want to feel that we are being listened to and what we have to say is important.  I continue to struggle with this issue if the person is too long winded!

When I asked my husband about what kind of nonverbal cues I project, he told me it’s when I get quiet when something is bothering me.  If I’m upset or mad, I hold it in until I’m ready to talk about.  If he asks me what’s wrong and I say “nothing” and continue to be quiet, then he knows something is wrong for sure.  He also said he can just tell when I want to be left alone but I’m sure a lot of that just comes from being able to read the other person after so many years of marriage.

My kids always told me it was the “look” that gave them a nonverbal cue!  Apparently when I was disappointed in them, it was written all over my face and I didn’t have to say a word.  I’m not very good about hiding how I feel about something in my facial expressions.

I usually walk very briskly.  This is another cue I’m giving others that I’m too busy to stop and talk.  Subconsciously I’m probably thinking that if I send all the messages about how busy I really am then maybe my boss will quit piling more work on me without me having to say anything.

I’m not all bad though!  I can be a very affectionate person and I “do” a lot of things for my family to express my love for them.  I find myself always wanting to fix or take care of things which is an expression of my motherly instincts.  I am a friendly person most of the time and try to make the effort to smile at others.  It is important to me that other people like me so I believe I give the nonverbal cues of friendliness (just as long as they don’t talk too long)!

I am a fairly casual dresser in the workplace and I think that is a nonverbal cue that I am a down to earth person.  I also like to wear my sweats and t-shirts on the weekend because I enjoy being comfortable.

Overall, I think my nonverbal cues are that of a friendly person but with some boundaries up so that others don’t take up too much of my time.   

Communication between Generations

The relative that I have the most communication with is my aunt.  She is 82 years old and lives about two hours away from me.  She is still living on her own but is requiring my assistance more and more as time goes on.  Understandably, it is her desire to stay in her little home for the rest of her days if possible.

Our communication roles have changed over the years.  When she was younger, her role was more of a mentor to me.  She would give me advice regarding my career, family, and education.  She would also share stories about her parents, grandparents, and other relatives that I never had the opportunity to meet.  I learned a lot about our family ancestry that I never would have known if she hadn’t taken the time to share with me.    

As she has gotten older, she has become more dependent on me to take care of her.  Routine tasks such as paying bills and housecleaning have become too overwhelming and difficult for her mentally and physically so I take care of those things for her. Instead of the analytical type conversations that we used to have, she now wants me to make decisions for her.  Normal conversing back and forth is becoming less frequent.  She usually does all the talking for an extended period of time before she gets around to the point she was trying to make and sometimes she is just too tired to talk at all. 

She gets confused and frustrated a lot easier these days.  She is still fairly patient with me when having a conversation, but I see her becoming very short-fused with others.  When I take her out shopping and she decides to yell at a clerk or at a neighbor for something they did that she didn’t like, it is very uncomfortable for me.    In many ways, it almost as if I have taken on the role of a parent or mentor explaining why that behavior is unacceptable.

I do understand that this type of behavior is not uncommon as people get older, but sometimes she tells me that she doesn’t have to put up with anything from anyone as if getting older gives her a right to speak to people however she chooses.  The fact that she can pick and choose who she acts this way towards also tells me that it is not something that is beyond her ability to control.

She often tells people when I take her out to eat or shopping that I am her “little angel” that has allowed her to stay in her home by helping her out.  Therefore, I often feel that if I weren’t the one helping her stay in her home then I might be subject to the same treatment she gives hers siblings on the phone, clerks, and the neighbors!

I love my aunt very much and obviously would do anything for her.  Observing her with others has made me stop and think though that I hope I can control myself a little better and not say hurtful things to others when I get to her age.  Showing courtesy and respect to others is important at any age.  

Foreign Language - Should it be required?

There are many benefits from learning a foreign language so I believe it should be a requirement for college or university admission or graduation.  Because of the global environment that we live in, there are many practical applications for learning a foreign language as well as personal developmental aspects.

Being bilingual can open many doors for an individual.  For instance, employment potential is increased when the applicant is fluent in a second language.  My son works as a personal trainer and is fluent in Spanish so he is given all the Spanish speaking male customers in addition to some of the English speaking customers.  This gives him a sales advantage over the trainer who only knows English.  Military members can also receive an additional foreign language pay entitlement when they are fluent in another language.  There are many jobs in the workforce that might require knowledge of another language so employment opportunities are increased with this skill.

Another possibility that may become available to the bilingual student are study abroad programs.  Since selection can be very competitive, having already studied the language of the country can improve the selection odds.  Studying international literature, music, and film becomes a valuable education tool but the student must first be able to have a basic understanding of the language.

As mentioned previously, we live in a global environment so to be able to communicate with others is extremely important.  Business and pleasure can take us to foreign countries and it is more productive and pleasurable if we know the language.  When I think about mission trips we went on to Mexico when our children were growing up, I wish I had been fluent in Spanish.  I had to depend on a translator when I wanted to speak to a child or to the family we were building a home for.  There is some personal interaction lost in the communication when you have to speak through a translator.  It is also a helpless feeling to not even being able to order at a restaurant!

Furthermore, learning a foreign language can actually stimulate intellectual growth and sharpen our cognitive skills.  Starting foreign language classes in elementary school would be a benefit to the children of our nation.  Not only would it stimulate their mental development, but it would also educate them to be aware of different cultures and possibly understand their own native tongue and customs better.  Although it is known as a “dead language”, my children studied some Latin and it increased their vocabularies and comprehension of the English language.  The reason for this is because the origins of many of our words come from Latin.  Many say that studying Latin increases SAT scores.

Finally, if our children our being taught foreign languages, world geography, world history, etc. they will be better equipped to be the future global leaders of tomorrow.  I still need to fulfill my foreign language study in college and I plan on taking Spanish.  Not only will this fulfill the college requirement, but I also hope to learn enough to communicate with my future grandchildren.  I am sure they will be bilingual since both my son and his wife are and they stress the value of knowing a second language. 

Charged Language

Authors Newman P. Birk and Genevieve B. Birk describe charged language as “When slanting of facts, or words, or emphasis, or any combination of the three significantly influences feelings toward, or judgments about, a subject, the language used is charged language…”  They go on to say “Without charged language, life would be but half life.”

It is my opinion that what they mean by the latter statement is that if we just had facts about a subject we would not be experiencing life to the fullest.  Facts are extremely important, but it is the passion that we feel about a subject that really brings it to life.

We are all subject to the charged language of others and whether we realize it or not, it influences our thoughts and opinions about a subject.  The best example of this is what we hear and see through the media. We usually don’t have the opportunity to go out and learn first-hand about current events so we rely on the media to educate us on what is going on in the world.  How that particular reporter presents a topic and the slant or charged language they use will more than likely sway us to have a similar opinion.  Since that is usually the only information we have on the topic, we have no reason to question it.  One example of this is how the media represented the attitude of the Iraqi people toward the U.S. troops.  It was depicted frequently as a negative attitude and that the Iraqi people wanted our troops out of their country.  This picture sent the message to our citizens that we were unwelcome and we should get out.  I work with many military members who have deployed to Iraq and I have heard personal stories told in a different light. I have heard about the families who cheered when our troops reclaimed their homes and their schools for them.  The children who have welcomed them as heroes in their hometowns and how even a small sense of security has been restored for these families is a different story than we usually see on the nightly news.  These stories compared to what the media has reported has certainly given me a revelation of how politically slanted the media can be.

Every one of us uses charged language too.  As I think about my own family and how each one of our charged languages influences one another, I gain a deeper understanding of this concept.  If one of my children or grandchildren talks about how someone is mean to them and how it has made them feel, I also feel negatively toward the “bully”.  The truth may be that my family member may be exaggerating about the behavior or maybe they even did something to provoke it, but because of the emotion that they relayed the information with I can’t help but feel influenced by it.  On the other hand, if they present someone or something in a positive way I am probably going to have the same opinion until something happens to convince me otherwise.

If we listen carefully to the conversations around us, we will hear charged language everywhere.  It can be a very good thing and it can also be a very dangerous thing such as racially charged language.  It is what gives character and life to facts according to the way they are presented.    

He Had a Dream

On March 28, 1963, over 250,000 people marched to the steps of Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. to hear Martin Luther King, Jr. deliver his famous “I Have a Dream” speech. The venue that he selected was significant because President Lincoln was the one to issue the Emancipation Proclamation which declared “all persons held as slaves within any State or designated part of a State, the people whereof shall then be in rebellion against the United States, shall be then, thenceforward, and forever free”. Lincoln has been the leader most associated with the end of slavery in the United States.




The key point in King’s speech was that one hundred years after the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation, “the Negro is still not free.” He illustrated this by stating that Negroes were crippled by segregation and chains of discrimination, they lived lives of poverty, and were exiled in their own land. Even though slavery had been abolished, they were not truly free because of these injustices they were forced to endure.



To elaborate on these injustices, he used the examples of police brutality and lodging facilities being unwilling to accommodate the weary Negro traveler. He further expanded by stating the mobility of a Negro was limited to ghettos and not everyone having the right to vote.



King used the analogy of coming to Washington, D.C. to “cash a check”. The Negroes had been promised freedom by our government and the government had not honored that promise. He went on to say that the Constitution and Declaration of Independence had promised all men, black and white, “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” Therefore, he indicated the Negro people had been written “a bad check, a check which has come back marked insufficient funds.”



The language of his speech did inspire change for the Negroes. He encouraged them to “demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice” and that there are “great vaults of opportunity” in our nation. He warned that this was just the beginning and the Negro people would not be content with the status quo. Quite honorably, he encouraged his people to not become bitter or “guilty of wrongful deeds” in their struggle for freedom. He realized this fight was to be fought with whites alongside the blacks so he urged his people not to distrust white people.



Many people felt a righteous indignation against racial discrimination after this day. Others felt inspiration and determination in achieving equality and freedom. This march and this speech were crucial points in United States civil rights history. It was less than a year later that President Lyndon Johnson signed into law the 1964 Civil Rights Act which banned discrimination in public facilities and prohibited employment discrimination. In 1965, the Voting Rights Act was enacted to ensure that Negroes had the right to vote and the Fair Housing Act was passed in 1968 to remove discrimination in buying and renting of housing.



Martin Luther King, Jr. did inspire a chain of events that improved the quality of life for the Negro people in the United States. I’m sure his words of inspiration would have had a significant impact no matter where they were spoken, but I believe his choice of venue to deliver his “I Have a Dream” speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial made a resounding statement of the principles of our great nation and furthered his cause of equality and freedom.