Taboo Language - Is it Acceptable on Television?

Is taboo language acceptable on television?  I say absolutely not!  John McWhorter says in his essay Letting Words Fly, that allowing this language is just being human and real.  I disagree.  I shouldn’t have to be exposed to foul language when I turn on the television and more importantly, children should not be exposed to taboo language.

I realize that children will hear bad words somewhere, but I believe the more they are exposed to them the more they believe it is acceptable and will pick up the bad habit.  That is how it becomes the norm when more and more people are participating in something.  We don’t use that kind of language in our home and I try to limit that kind of language around me in the workplace.  I tried to monitor the types of shows my kids watched growing up, the music they listened to, etc.  I felt that was my job as a parent to teach them how to act respectably.  If taboo words are allowed on television then it makes parents jobs that much harder when they are trying to teach their children right from wrong.  Kids also pick up on these words very quickly because they are usually said emphatically so it draws their attention.

We had a small panel that was interviewing a prospective employee recently and that individual cussed during the interview!  I immediately had to wonder how this person would conduct himself in the workplace and with customers.  Whether people agree with it or not, using taboo language gives most people a negative impression of you. 

The “F” word is one of the worst in my opinion.  I just cringe when I hear that one and I ask myself “doesn’t this person have a big enough vocabulary to come up with some other word to describe how they are feeling?”  I work with a few people who like to use this one and I find it completely unprofessional and degrading.

So back to the original question of should taboo language be allowed on television?  I say no.  I don’t think people who cuss would feel offended if they don’t hear cussing on television but there are a lot of people who are offended by cussing so I think it’s better for everyone to not allow it.  If you choose to use that language or don’t mind being around it then that’s your choice but everyone else should not be forced to be exposed to it when they turn the television on.

"just don't get it"

As Lakoff points out in his essay Hate Speech, some people who are ignorant about hate speech may think it is “just kidding” or “childish horseplay” when it is really a “proclamation of inferiority” as the author states.  If a person has been subjected to particular comments throughout their life and even their relatives before them, when they hear these comments it is very personal for them.  If you don’t have a history of having to deal with this type of speech then you “just don’t get it” when it comes to how destructive it can be over time. 

When someone hears something often enough, they know that there is a true belief behind those words and it’s not “just kidding”.  When you think back to when you were a child, you can start to understand how powerful words can be.  If you had parents that praised you or constantly put you down, it affected your self-esteem.  Children can be so cruel to other kids when they make fun of others for being too fat, too skinny, wearing glasses, wearing braces, having acne, and the list goes on and on.  Those comments can crush a child and make them want to crawl under a rock and hide.  The example of the “Sticks and Stones” saying is used and as much as we try to teach our kids not to let the cruel words of others affect them, this is next to impossible.  So just imagine if cruel, unfair comments are made about you or made about your family or race or gender, etc. for years then you don’t take it lightly. 

As long as the hate speech persists, it is hard to really break away from certain stigmas.  Others may adopt the same viewpoint when they hear it so the vicious cycle continues.    

Thumbs up for Reading Lolita in Tehran

I have to admit that when I first started reading Reading Lolita in Tehran, I didn’t think I was going to enjoy it very much.  I haven’t quite finished the book and I wouldn’t use enjoy as the adjective to describe this reading experience.  I have found the book to be a thought provoking one though. 

Books or articles about life in some other countries cause me to stop and think about all of the freedom and liberties I take for granted.  To be able to read what I want to read, listen to music I want to listen to, watching the shows I want to watch, or dressing how I want to dress are some of the daily things we all do that we don’t even stop to think about.  The opportunity to be able to participate in our Discussion Boards and post Blogs isn’t something you can do in some countries.

One of the stories that stuck with me from RLiT was when Nafisi’s daughter recounts the story of a classmate who was taken away to the principal’s office because her nails were too long and they cut them so short she was bleeding.  Who treats a child like that???

I work with a lady from Tehran and we were discussing this book today.  She shared some of her stories with me.  She left the country about the time the Ayatollah was coming into power so she didn’t have to endure much of the revolution but many in her family did and still live there.  She said her brother got in trouble a lot with the authorities for taking a stand.  One day a lady was thought to be wearing make-up so a bag of rats were poured on her head and started biting her.  Her brother and others came to her rescue but I can’t even imagine this kind of treatment.  My co-worker took her American daughter back to Iran to visit when she was 6-years old.  She told me that a man came up and started yelling at her daughter because she was not covered which isn’t even a requirement until the girls are 12 according to my co-worker.  My co-worker told the man to leave her daughter alone and he pushed her so she pushed him back.  It was getting very heated and fortunately she had enough family and friends around that they were able to get away before anyone got hurt.  She made a vow then and there never to take her daughter back to Iran again.  That is unfortunate that her daughter won’t be able to experience her mother’s native land and visit family that is still there because of cultural differences.

As we were finishing our conversation this morning, she looked at me and said “We all need to be glad we are here in the United States.”  This was a huge reminder to me that I need to stop and take the time to give thanks for all of the blessings we have in this great country of ours.

Nonverbal Cues

This blog is going to require some self-reflection about the nonverbal cues I project and some admission of things I’m sure I won’t be too proud of!  First of all, I feel stressed and anxious most of the time about never being able to get everything done so I know that I project that to others.  When I’m in the middle of working on a project and someone comes into my office, I’m guilty of continuing to type or fidgeting which sends the message that I’m not too interested in what they have to say and I want to get back to work. The problem with this is that if it’s one of my employees coming to me with a problem, I’m supposed to be available for them.  I’m working on stopping what I’m doing, turning away from my computer and focusing on the individual.  We all want to feel that we are being listened to and what we have to say is important.  I continue to struggle with this issue if the person is too long winded!

When I asked my husband about what kind of nonverbal cues I project, he told me it’s when I get quiet when something is bothering me.  If I’m upset or mad, I hold it in until I’m ready to talk about.  If he asks me what’s wrong and I say “nothing” and continue to be quiet, then he knows something is wrong for sure.  He also said he can just tell when I want to be left alone but I’m sure a lot of that just comes from being able to read the other person after so many years of marriage.

My kids always told me it was the “look” that gave them a nonverbal cue!  Apparently when I was disappointed in them, it was written all over my face and I didn’t have to say a word.  I’m not very good about hiding how I feel about something in my facial expressions.

I usually walk very briskly.  This is another cue I’m giving others that I’m too busy to stop and talk.  Subconsciously I’m probably thinking that if I send all the messages about how busy I really am then maybe my boss will quit piling more work on me without me having to say anything.

I’m not all bad though!  I can be a very affectionate person and I “do” a lot of things for my family to express my love for them.  I find myself always wanting to fix or take care of things which is an expression of my motherly instincts.  I am a friendly person most of the time and try to make the effort to smile at others.  It is important to me that other people like me so I believe I give the nonverbal cues of friendliness (just as long as they don’t talk too long)!

I am a fairly casual dresser in the workplace and I think that is a nonverbal cue that I am a down to earth person.  I also like to wear my sweats and t-shirts on the weekend because I enjoy being comfortable.

Overall, I think my nonverbal cues are that of a friendly person but with some boundaries up so that others don’t take up too much of my time.   

Communication between Generations

The relative that I have the most communication with is my aunt.  She is 82 years old and lives about two hours away from me.  She is still living on her own but is requiring my assistance more and more as time goes on.  Understandably, it is her desire to stay in her little home for the rest of her days if possible.

Our communication roles have changed over the years.  When she was younger, her role was more of a mentor to me.  She would give me advice regarding my career, family, and education.  She would also share stories about her parents, grandparents, and other relatives that I never had the opportunity to meet.  I learned a lot about our family ancestry that I never would have known if she hadn’t taken the time to share with me.    

As she has gotten older, she has become more dependent on me to take care of her.  Routine tasks such as paying bills and housecleaning have become too overwhelming and difficult for her mentally and physically so I take care of those things for her. Instead of the analytical type conversations that we used to have, she now wants me to make decisions for her.  Normal conversing back and forth is becoming less frequent.  She usually does all the talking for an extended period of time before she gets around to the point she was trying to make and sometimes she is just too tired to talk at all. 

She gets confused and frustrated a lot easier these days.  She is still fairly patient with me when having a conversation, but I see her becoming very short-fused with others.  When I take her out shopping and she decides to yell at a clerk or at a neighbor for something they did that she didn’t like, it is very uncomfortable for me.    In many ways, it almost as if I have taken on the role of a parent or mentor explaining why that behavior is unacceptable.

I do understand that this type of behavior is not uncommon as people get older, but sometimes she tells me that she doesn’t have to put up with anything from anyone as if getting older gives her a right to speak to people however she chooses.  The fact that she can pick and choose who she acts this way towards also tells me that it is not something that is beyond her ability to control.

She often tells people when I take her out to eat or shopping that I am her “little angel” that has allowed her to stay in her home by helping her out.  Therefore, I often feel that if I weren’t the one helping her stay in her home then I might be subject to the same treatment she gives hers siblings on the phone, clerks, and the neighbors!

I love my aunt very much and obviously would do anything for her.  Observing her with others has made me stop and think though that I hope I can control myself a little better and not say hurtful things to others when I get to her age.  Showing courtesy and respect to others is important at any age.